The reality

Well, the reality of change has set in. No, I am not super mom as I thought that I was when my mom was here. Something about having your meals made every night and our bed made and our house vacuumed and so on made life seem pretty easy with a new baby, call me crazy.
However, after my mom left it has been quite different. Just having her here to even tell me everything is fine and he'e healthy made everything seem so much easier. Now two days later, I've hit a wall. Will feels it too, he cried for what seemed an eternity this morning and it was just not what I'd envisioned for the day.
A friend told me this afternoon to go back and read what I'de written last week about how motherhood was going, so I just did. And this is a reflection on that. The Lord must have known that I needed His words even though they were coming from my very head, they were from Him.
So, here I sit, motherhood is challenging, to love unconditionally, to cherish this time, to be selfless, to not accept my sin, to repent and to accept His forgiveness.
I have to say, here it is my first two hard days and I'm already seeing so much of my dark heart. I wonder, how can someone not believe we are sinful when I stare at this child crying, my heart in anger not in love? How can someone not know we are in dire need of forgiveness when I just want to sleep instead being needed so badly?
Reality has set in, the mountain top has passed into the mist and here I am in dire need of my Savior. I was in need before, but now I see my need for Him to keep on making me a mother, to keep giving me patience and love for this child. And to make me see life from a thankful perspective, for good friends and support, for a wonderful husband who loves me and Will, supportive and encouraging family.
All this, all for what? For his glory alone. All this for Him.
And so, if my feelings for Will are dependent on circumstances being just right, then thank the Lord for His love for us that is unconditional, never changing.